I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
