my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
