If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
