Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
