My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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