I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
