I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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