she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
