My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
