Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
