i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
