He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
