I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
