i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
