Nicole vs. Life
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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