you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
