so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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