i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and she was petting her beer can
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
