i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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