I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
