Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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