How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
