I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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