According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
