Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
