I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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