Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
