I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
