i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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