You're completely useless in the revolution.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
