walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize