Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
