New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
