1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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