i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
