would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
