she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
