I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
