if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
