I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
