I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
