Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
