is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There's always time for handjobs
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
