she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
