he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
