I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
