I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
