I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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