it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
