do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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