I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
