Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize