I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
