just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
