Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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