Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I love having hate sex.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
