could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
