Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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