she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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