I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
