I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
