Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
