Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
